Semicolon Happy: A Life Lesson

One of my favorite marks is the semicolon. Don't get me wrong; he's a pretentious little twit sometimes. Honestly, I'm not, you know, a world-class grammarian or anything, but one of my favorite things in life EVER, is the misuse of this little snot. Not only because I wouldn't have a job if it weren't for grammatical/spelling errors, BUT because the semicolon is one of those extras. You need not use one. There is never a time when a period is completely unacceptable. Semicolon is stylish, flashy... he is like the fur lining on your hoodie, you know?

If you've ever wondered what in the #¢*! to do with a semicolon... I've got a few that I think are most important (or, at least, most common.)

*******

One.
The easiest: use a semicolon in place of a period between two separate sentences without the conjunction. (Conjunction is like "and," "but," and "because.") These two "sentences," can be considered independent clauses, meaning they could stand alone, you know, with their subject and verb; however, the semicolon here signifies a closer connection between them—closer than a period!

Stop by McDonald's and get me a Rolo McFlurry; I'll give you dollars when you get here.

I stopped going to class after the first two weeks; it put me right to sleep. 
 
Two.
While it's not like GUN-TO-THE-FOOT* important, it is preferable to use semicolons before introductory words/phrases that introduce complete sentences. Some of these words are "however," "therefore," "besides," and "for example." (Remember the comma afterward!)


Lisa is notorious for sleeping around; therefore, I was hesitant to sit, raw-bottom, on her toilet.

I can't wait to get into a good college; however, I'm dreading the loan repayment.

Three.
Now, this one is a wee bit tricky, but sort of necessary for clarity. Use a semicolon between items in a list, when the items contain commas. They call this type of list (with internal punctuation) a "complex series." Haha.

Leah dated a lot of guys in the medical field, such as: Scott, the physical therapist; John, the doctor-in-training; Chad, the male nurse; and Bill, the pharmacist.

*******

Done with the banter! But hey, you get the idea. Common, everyday language is more prone to rule one, but trust me there are more rules! If nothing else, just don't use them. Eff convention, throw in a period and be done with it.

Enough rules. Not so swiftly, I'm trying to focus my attention on something else other than that stupid Casey Anthony case; though, it appears to be everywhere right now. Stuff like that rots my brain out, makes me so sad.

HEY. What punctuation/grammar issue do you come across most? This might help me. I need some idea of what people are struggling with most. Share your funny/sad/angry stories about grammar, spelling, or punctuation. I'd love to hear them, honest.

*GUN-TO-THE-FOOT was just an un-clever way for me to say "gun-to-the-head" without such messy imagery!
** I hate footnotes!

Flavor Drop Update.

Some news. First of all, remember those Capella Flavor Drops that I blogged about a few weeks ago? Utter shit. While two of the five flavors I purchased, at least, have some flavor, the others are total duds. Unless you plan on putting like 10x the amount of drops recommended; in which case, maybe you should just poor acid on your tongue, too. The chemical-y taste is a bit too much to bear.

And to top it off, I wrote a pretty nice email to the chaps, just stating what I had found to be true—in a nice way. I didn't request or demand FREE MERCHZZZ! or my money back. Just wanted to give them my piece. Forkers didn't even respond. LAME! And before I get off the subject of these horrible little caustic, flavorless drops...

Word of advice: if you get a drop on your finger... DO NOT LICK IT.

Quick replay:

Note: zombie walk, baggy eyes, and the only positive thing about this picture (the coffee!)

And then I realize my order of tasty, sugar-free drops came in the day before! I couldn't wait! I possibly didn't sleep at night thinking about them. Kidding.

One of my favorite flavors OF ALL TIME... coconut! (: Perfect summery coffee flavor, no?

Not sure why I thought it was ok to lap up the rogue drop with my tongue, but um... it smelled good, right?

Just don't do it. It was a combination of rubbing alcohol and tequila... and I'm pretty sure I received chemical burns on my tongue. The end.

A former colleague of mine (oh my god does that sound trite), Jason, runs an online lit mag called decomP. Kudos to him for that, first of all. But yea, he used one of my paintings ("earthbound") as the monthly cover thang. How cool? Thanks for the pimp action, Jason. (:

Time to get ready for some Independence-style partying. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend!

xx
mpt

ps: If you didn't click the "Forkers" link, you may want to do that.
ps2: For you all, I refrained from CASEY ANTHONY bs. The trial has suddenly taken over my life.

Babies use soap, right?

Being the lucky girl that I am, I have some pretty amazing friends. I wanted to pimp this girl for her unique and awesome brain. Well, I mean, a lot of people can make soap, but this girl makes it from base ingredients, meaning LYE! This shit scares me to be honest, as I can't even use a kitchen knife half of the time. I digress. You should check out her soap. Not only does she make the soap, but it's packaged in her handmade paper and lovely typewriter lettering. I'll be making some with her soon, so pictures are to come.

In the meantime, check her out. She is up for new ideas, too. Give her a shout. cyfisch@gmail.com —or, if you're too shy, hit me up.

So listen. My next stop is Dream Land. I'm going to make it brief, because how boring are dreams to other people? I know, BUTTTT... I dreamt I had a baby. I had a baby, was happy about it, and gave it away. Yep. I was a surrogate mother. It kind of messed me up all day. I'm a gusher. Add that to my list of hobbies... painting, writing, knitting, singing...surrogate mother. I kind of wonder what y'all think. Could you do it? Pros. Cons. What?

Just curious, as usual. >^..^<

New product, camping trip and obscene dream

Let me start this entry by talking about dreams. I know. I know. It can be one of the most moronic things to blog about... the unicorn ate my corn on the cob and shit out a dog. Yea. Sometimes there's just no following a dream like that—no matter how amusing it may be to the dreamer.

I'm an avid dreamer. A lucid dreamer. I've flown. I've been licked by a pack of stray puppies. It's all happened. But last night, like so many other nights, I dreamt I got fired. Not only did I get fired, but the reasoning? I had been taking meth mixed with aspirin? What!? I don't even know what that means... the most interesting thing about a dream (that we can all share, I think) is that feeling the whole next day. You know how a dream just really shakes you? I was so disheartened by being fired that it had me reeeally upset. It was more of the trying-to-prove-I-wasn't-a-drug-addict. Blah.

Anyhow, it was quite a nice weekend camping with my friend Larissa and her family. Good times. I ate enough to feed a small country and so I'm back on the wagon starting tomorrow. I bought about $75 worth of healthy groceries. Even a $10 bag of almonds. God. That's an investment. I'm just really losing focus. I'm ready now.

I did want to talk about these flavorings I found online: Capella Flavors. Apparently it's flavoring for many things (including coffee) without calories or sugar. Just flavor. So you drop a few drops into your iced coffee, your recipes, your tea, whatevs. I'm liking this idea. Dunkin Donuts has a similar method with their flavors—you add your own sugar, or for me, Splenda (let's call it Splendor. It cracks me up.)

So tonight, I ordered 5 bottles of the stuff. It was buy 3 and get 2 free. Pretty good deal. Especially with the $3 shipping. I ordered tonight around 7PM and it has already shipped! (It's 11PM). I'm ready to let you guys know how this stuff works out. I'm namely buying it for my iced coffee. But they have fruity flavors that can be used for water and so on. Check out the site, at least. There's a lot of info on there. I purchased: Coconut, Cinnamon Danish Swirl, Vanilla Cupcake, Chocolate Raspberry and Toasted Almond. If these are good, not only will it save me a ton of money on flavored creamers, but I won't have to put that thick creamer in my iced coffees!

Happy Memorial Day! Hope you, too, got drunk off of boxed wine... er.... something similarly delicious!
<3

The Show Me State... Day 1

So far, so cool. The trek here wasn't bad at all. Luckily, Mr. Casey K was all up on that driving for a bit. After 5 hours of straight driving, my brain wasn't entertaining itself any longer with Meghan's Top Tens (which consisted of me evaluating everything in my life—sorting and rating—in lists of 5 or 10) and my eyes were getting sleepy! We pulled over at a Flying J (makes me think of some sort of winged illegals)... anyhow, we crashed for like an hour and a half in the parking lot. We woke to some interesting sights when we ventured inside. "I need a shower and a pack of cigarettes." Yep. Don't we all.

Essentially, we rode 70 the whole way here, which was easy. And I really did overestimate my need for gummies and licorice, because I still have some for the way back! But I'll tell you what... as much as I love the Starbucks, I sincerely warn you to never ever EVER have one of their energy drinks.

I'm sure that the concoction of the great Sheetz meatball sub I had, alongside one of THEIR coffee drinks wasn't the best predecessor to this Starbucks beverage, but still. The taste was horrendous. Like Casey suggested, it's like coffee and an energy drink had a baby... "and named it NASTY." (That was my add-on there.) It had a smooth delivery, a chemically jarring flavor and an aftertaste reminiscent of something I'd like to refer to as "Robot Coffee." I'm not talking Terminator here. Terminator had more realistic appeal than this beverage.

Besides my drink rant, I had a great day. We arrived with sun and blue skies, with a gorgeous skyline and a crazy feeling that I was driving into Pittsburgh. Strange how, thus far, St. Louis has been comforting—home-like. More on that later. All you need to know is I've encountered an awesome brewery, an affinity for riding bikes on a flat surface and a love-hate relationship with a cat named Prince. He's like the cat version of me—complete with the attention span of a 6th-grader, 2 extreme functions (HYPER-ON or off) and an indecisive swagger. Sloan tells me if Taylor Swift and Adam Lambert had a baby... a cat baby, this would be Prince. You decide:

Oh, so there's that. I plan on showering now. It's been awhile since that's happened. Ha... it's what happens when you visit hippies.

Take care, all! <3

Finally over! That deserves a royal high-five!

Ah, so I sit here on my hand-me-down couch in silence, going over the day and thinking about how it's nearly midnight and I could sleep... quite possibly for the next 12 years. I know I'm only 25, but this getting old thing is... well, getting old. I blame it on the weather, the the lack of consistency, the sloppy thick mucus that has taken my lungs hostage. One minute a nude, bathing gentleman in a tub is flying by our windows (a horrible Oz reference) and we're ducking swirly tornados, the next I'm stripping down to my undershirt in the sun during my hour lunch break. In one day I saw snow, hail, rain and very warm sunny skies. Tonight, the temp is dropping back down to 35˚F. Tomorrow? 70˚F. Anyhow, enough whining about weather. I should be grateful to live in a place with four seasons, right? It makes the anticipation of each rather exciting. Except winter. Winter feels like death.

Oh wait. I have more whining. This royal wedding business. It's over, right? Does this mean I can go back to my empty, soulless life--living without heart-shaped, jelly-filled donuts from Dunkin, flamboyant grocery-store cakes with the faces of the the royal couple, and the sparse (but still too many) British flags flying about in the neighborhood? I just don't get it. It's America, people. Don't we have something better to do at 4 in the morning? Sleep, maybe?

Wow. I'm a total crankpot this evening. To be fair, all I request is a Snickers and a Midol. (Maybs one of those Reester Bunnies!)

Please, tell me you've heard of the Reester Bunny. Happy weekend!
xx

PCLD: Let's Talk Post-College Blues

All right. This will be my first semi-serious post, and for this reason, I will attempt to step up my game on the little doodles. There's nothing a pregnant cat in a penguin t-shirt cuddling a 10-day-old puppy can't soften. Right? Or this...

Anyway, to keep this rolling in the right direction, and away from cracker-nibbling rodents, let's move on to my late night, earth-shattering epiphany. (Please note: my epiphanies are more frequent than the time it takes for new episodes of House to show up on hulu.com. Still.)

I've recently come to the conclusion that pretty much every young person I've come in contact with these days--in particular, my crew--has been negatively affected by college. It's not college at all. It's the after college that seems to destroy people. And if an undergrad happened to go to grad school, this mental disorder was only prolonged until after that degree. I thought it might be more helpful to set this disorder up in a way that might be accessed as easily as any other WebMD definition. 

PCLD: Post-Traumatic Life Disorder

Much like a premature version of a "Midlife Crisis," PCLD can be classified as a mood disorder that interferes with everyday life and occurs following the anticipated graduation from any post-secondary education. PCLD is characterized by one or any of the following categories:

Avoidance

This category is normally defined by those "fresh" out of college or post-secondary schooling. After a number of years confined to a rigorous routine of responsibility, one might find a false sense of solace in abstaining from anything academic or related to his or her field of study.

"I'm just going to take a break"

• Feelings of detachment
• Emotional "numbness"
• Little to no concern for future
• Lethargy
• Weight gain
• Lack of interest in field of study, or former interests
• Minimum wage job(s)
• Heavy drinking, followed by a need to "just dance"
• Sense of stagnancy without the will to change
• Caffeine dependence
• Facebook

Negative Self-Realization

The definition of this category relies heavily on the lingering insecurities of adolescence. It is largely found in those who pursue degrees in the arts or similar creative studies. As creators, it is common for those with PCLD to experience symptoms directly and/or indirectly related to their creations, such as feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and a need to change goals in light of negative self-discoveries; PCLD commonly takes the shape of feelings and actions associated with early adolescence. This category is also referred to as Regressive Post-Traumatic Life Disorder.

"I don't know what I want."

• Hopelessness and self-blame
• Search for an undefined dream or goal
• Lack of confidence
• Sense of making the "wrong choices"
• Indecisive
• Nostalgic
• Interfering, and often unwarranted, fear of failure
• Depression
• Nick at Nite

Defensive Frustration

The last category of PCLD is the most actualized. Hardly a resolution, these symptoms often surface in the latter stages of PCLD, typically in response to previous categories' symptoms. If the pendulum were, for instance, swinging downward in the other categories, this is the most erratic, upward swing of PCLD, characterized by a hyperactive ego, which follows a low, often depressive, state.

"The world is my goddamn oyster."

• Sense of freedom from rules and life limitations
• Exaggerated responses and reactions
• A tendency to be overly defensive
• Concentration difficulties
• Inflated sense of self
• Irritability or outbursts of anger
• Hyperawareness, or paranoia
• Impulsive and often masochistic life decisions
• Heavy drinking
• Insomnia
• Sports

Without being funny, I'd like to explain myself. I'm pretty sure the time frame for the once-typical "coming of age" has been prolonged. Unfortunately for most, the decision is already made. You're going to college right after high school. Your other option is to go against your parents, society, your peers... If you don't go, you are looked down upon. C'mon. We've all eyed up the "Votech" kids as if they were of below-average intelligence. I have since changed my opinion.

Once you find a school, you must then choose what you want to do for the rest of your life. Key words here: rest of your life. It's like a death sentence. From the moment you were hatched, the hopes were instilled: you can be anything you want, even president! Big dreams create high hopes, which are then introduced to the "real world" of low odds and let down. Next step: PCLD. Am I right?

I'm not here to knock education or academics. I'm not even sure what I'm knocking. I just know that the majority of my peers are struggling to find jobs, struggling to know what it is they really want, and feel as though they are the only ones out there experiencing it. NO, please know that you are not. There are a gazillion kids with degrees and no hope for a future.

I guess my questions are simply (ha!):

1. Will the majority of us ever know what we want OR be happy with what we have?
2. Is the previous question linked to the infinite realm of possibilities?
3. Are we just a bunch of spoiled babies?
4. Are we "spoiled babies" because of the false hopes that were instilled in us? Who is to blame?
5. Is there a job that is completely fulfilling, while remaining so for the longevity of working life?
6. When will the education system STOP making studies about money and more about skills/intelligence?
7. When does PCLD end? Is there a cure?
8. Will Dr. House and Cuddy ever get back together?

Well?