Yesterday, I told D: "I think the world is trying to kill me."
It's nearly the end of March and besides meeting someone lovely, 2013 hasn't been so kind. I have come to realize, perhaps just admit aloud, that this year is just the lame sequel of 2012—and it's getting old. An extension of the shit storm, as it stands.
I could depress myself with the tally, the list of nasties I've encountered thus far, but I'll spare us all. But first, not without dump-trucking on you poor folk a brief synopsis of my weekend:
It began Friday with my work computer crashing, finding out that all is lost hard-drive-wise, and then my Gram's passing. The weekend ended with me pulling something in my back and becoming a near-invalid, twinging on the floor.
Loss isn't something I yet know how to process. I thought... maybe since I was hit with it early on that I'd have learned the ropes or something. But I haven't. I wish I could describe the way it feels in a way that makes it tangible, easier to choke down in the night when it hovers above me like a wet memory. But I don't have anything to strangle. Not yet.
I thought it might be cool to share some poems on my blog, each day. We'll see! Maybe form poems [not mine.]
Anyone else doing anything for National Poetry Month? If not, try it out? It'd be a great way to start writing something. Even if they're haikus!
Wednesdays feel like hope,
sweltering and nondescript—
get over the hump.
There's my Wednesday poem. Enjoy! hahah.. feel free to share your haiku!
mt
Two things. One, i think you do know how to process. You do all the things. And maybe sometimes the things are a distraction or a way to avoid, but its still YOUR process. Own it..
ReplyDeleteTwo, i think there is a reason we all struggle to put words to it loss. Becasue its the most genuine and raw feeling there is. And words will never do it justice. But if someone could find the words, i bet it would be you :)
Thanks, lady. You're very sweet. I try. For words.
DeleteAs for owning it, I do. I suppose. But sometimes it's almost too exhausting. I might, someday, find a happy medium. Ha.
<3